| A sullen, non-communicative teenager. A | | | | "that's nothing! Wait until you have MY |
| frustrated parent. | | | | responsibilities!" But what we as parents |
| | | | forget, is that our teen is new at these |
| Is that the way it is in your home living | | | | types of responsibilities. So problems that |
| with your teenager? | | | | we can see obvious solutions to, our teens |
| | | | find overwhelming. Challenges that would |
| Parenting teenagers is a demanding job, no | | | | slide off our backs, they get lost in. |
| doubt about it. Teens have the natural | | | | |
| ability to challenge us on every level. | | | | As a person, it's humiliating to admit you're |
| Whereas once they simply accepted our | | | | overwhelmed and lost. So you don't. And |
| authority as parents, no more. | | | | neither does your teen. |
| | | | |
| Many parents fight against this normal | | | | Teamwork changes that. For example, a parent |
| developmental phase. As a result, their homes | | | | who's noticing their teen is struggling with |
| become tense battlegrounds as they stand | | | | academics has two choices. Yelling (ever |
| ready to defend their positions at a moment's | | | | noticed how often yelling works?). Or leading |
| notice. Usually, in this environment, a teen | | | | the way providing training on how to make a |
| starts out yelling and ends up silent. | | | | positive change. |
| | | | |
| Because he or she has found somewhere else | | | | A parent could say something like "I see |
| where their voice can be heard. And | | | | you're finding your current schoolwork |
| appreciated. | | | | challenging. That's good because it means you |
| | | | have the chance to learn something new here. |
| While some teen frustrations are firmly | | | | I have some methods that have worked for me |
| rooted in parenting issues from the child's | | | | when dealing with challenging work and I'd be |
| younger years, if you have an otherwise | | | | glad to show them to you. When's a good time |
| well-adjusted teenager who simply has stopped | | | | for you?" |
| talking to you, there are practical things | | | | |
| you can do that will help. | | | | For some teens, that conversation is all they |
| | | | need in order to acknowledge they need help. |
| I am currently parenting my third teenager | | | | Others will take more coaxing. Still, the |
| and these communication tips are what we use | | | | point is valid. Don't just tell them what to |
| in our home everyday to keep talking alive | | | | do...work with them, empathize with their |
| and well. | | | | frustration, show them how to set a goal, |
| | | | overcome obstacles and come out the other |
| -- Listening comes first. | | | | side. Then celebrate with them. They've |
| | | | earned it! And you've earned their respect. |
| Trite but true, your teenager will tune you | | | | |
| out if you never *really* listen to what she | | | | -- Show them you understand...them. |
| has to say. | | | | |
| | | | While parenting teenagers, we often lecture |
| You want to get your teen's attention? Then | | | | as opposed to discuss. That's only natural |
| learn to listen with your whole being. Use | | | | for us as parents. Usually we can see their |
| your body language and lean closer when he's | | | | glaring error in judgment and we realize it's |
| talking. Make eye contact. Repeat back what | | | | our duty to correct them. |
| you hear so you're sure you understand every | | | | |
| ounce of what your teenager is telling you. | | | | Right idea. Wrong method. |
| Ask clarifying questions. Empathize. Give him | | | | |
| your undivided attention (no cell phones, | | | | Humility works big time with teenagers. Have |
| newspapers, no half-hearted 'uh-huh's'). | | | | you ever made a mistake that your teen seems |
| | | | to also be making? Probably more frequently |
| In other words, listen to your teen the way | | | | then you would like to admit. Well, admit it. |
| you wish you were listened to. | | | | When you explain the boundaries you are |
| | | | placing on their behavior, let your past |
| If you do this one step regularly, your teen | | | | example (mistake) be the "here's what I've |
| will seek you out, yearning to talk to you. | | | | learned from this problem myself" part of the |
| | | | conversation. |
| Imagine that. | | | | |
| | | | Believe me, you'll have their attention when |
| -- Respect is king. | | | | you admit to not having it all together. 'Cuz |
| | | | guess what. Everyday your teen ACTS like he |
| It's easy to be condescending when parenting | | | | has it all together to cover up the fact that |
| teenagers. As parents, we know more than they | | | | he KNOWS he doesn't have it all together. And |
| do, right? We've been around the block | | | | he's worried and scared. |
| numerous more times than they have. Heck, | | | | |
| compared to them, we are wise! | | | | Your admission you've been where he is and |
| | | | you found a way out will be welcome news. |
| However, here's the real deal. If teens don't | | | | That you cared enough about him to share your |
| feel respected by us, they don't accept our | | | | vulnerabilities won't be lost on him, either. |
| influence. | | | | |
| | | | Obviously, this parenting tip only applies to |
| And all that wisdom goes down the drain. | | | | age and situation-appropriate confessions. |
| | | | But do you get the point here? Your teen is |
| That fact is not limited to teenagers, by the | | | | longing for someone who knows her and is |
| way. That's the way we're all wired as human | | | | willing to be on her side. Ideally that needs |
| beings. And it helps a lot to remember your | | | | to be you. |
| teen is perilously close to being an adult | | | | |
| and feeling the way adults do. Your teenager | | | | Parenting teenagers effectively means |
| is not all grown up yet, but close enough to | | | | building relationships with them, listening |
| give you clues as to what they need. | | | | when it's convenient for them (not you), |
| | | | working with them to help them overcome |
| Like respect. Earn their respect and they | | | | challenges, earning their respect so it's YOU |
| will trust you with their lives. | | | | they think of when they need to talk. |
| | | | |
| -- Teamwork means everything. | | | | This will take patience, an open heart, thick |
| | | | skin and daily time. Things that all prove to |
| Teenagers often feel like they're carrying | | | | your teenager that you think they're worth |
| the weight of the world on their shoulders. | | | | it. |
| It's easy for us who are parenting teenagers | | | | |
| to look at their day-to-day lives and say, | | | | And they are. |